The Negotiation Stick
Occasionally we need a way to negotiate behavior changes, one on one, with challenging students. The Negotiation Stick is a game that solves this problem in an entertaining way.
Materials
A ruler, two board erasers, four 3 x 5 cards. The first card is labeled “Hello,” the second card is labeled “Apology,” the third card is labeled “Swap”, “the fourth card is labeled “Change.”
Procedure
You and your student sit on opposite sides of a table; place the ruler on the table, with one end pointing at you and the other end pointing at your student. You each have an eraser. Say, “We’re going to play a game to see if we can solve any of the problems that we have. Your eraser is you. My eraser is me. We’ll start at opposite ends of the ruler.”
Stand your eraser at your end of the ruler. Your student stands her eraser at her end of the ruler.
Say, “Now, here are four cards. You can pick whichever one you want, in any order, you want. If you pick the ‘Hello!’ card, then we’ll pretend like our erasers are talking to each other. They should only talk about pleasant things, not any school problems. If you pick the ‘Apology’ card, then I’ll give you an apology for anything I’ve done, or any difficulties you’re having. I’ll tell you right now that I am genuinely sorry for the problems you’re having. If you pick the ‘Swap’ card, then each of us will switch erasers and I’ll try to see the problem from your point of view and you try see the problem from my point of view. If you pick ‘Change’ then I’ll say something that I can change between us, and I’ll move my eraser closer to you. You say something you can change between us and you move your eraser closer to me. The goal of the game is for us to agree on what each of us is going to change. We’ll write it down and then shake hands. Or, if you like, our erasers can hug in the middle of the ruler!”
Allow the student to pick the cards in any order she wishes. Any card can be picked as many times as the student wishes in the course of your discussion. If, at any time, you feel the “distance” between you and your student is decreasing, say, “I feel like we’re getting a little closer together. I’ll move my eraser forward. How about you? Do you feel like we’re decreasing the distance between us?” If the student agrees, then she moves her eraser closer.
To defuse a tense situation, you can “accidentally” tip your eraser over and say, “oops! I tripped. Sorry!” Or, “Oh, I fell down. Help me up!” Or any other shennigans that occur to you, like “Gosh, I really love the furry face on your eraser!”
Keep playing the game until you believe the two of you have drawn as close together as possible during one session. The entire game might only take a few minutes. Write down what you and your student have agreed to. The next day, have a short review of how each of you has done on keeping his or her side of the bargain. Replay the game as necessary.